NERD ALERT: I have come to the conclusion that deep down inside of all of us is a nerd. No denying we are all nerds. Live, Love, Embrace it. Some of us are hardcore gamers, some have nerdy computer skills, some are nerds about mythological creatures, some are nerds about random useless facts, some are harry potter nerds, and so on. I am nerdy in lots of things, I will admit. One in particular is my obsession with the stars. I don't know all the names or the alignments. ( I'm sure one day I will pick up a book and learn them though) I love to admire them. To think about life. I think it's vital for everyone to be in sync with nature and just enjoy the beauty. Most of the time people are too caught up in their lives they forget to stop and admire. I try get away and to reconnect with nature. Somehow I feel complete looking at them. There is no worries in the world, just pure bliss. My problems don't seem so big. Also, this is the time (besides the temple) that I feel closest to God. He's not so far away when I'm out underneath the stars. I seriously could spend forever looking at them. I love shooting stars and making wishes on them. (They never come true btw, but I'll continue wishing) I was inspired to get out my telescope last night. But to my disappointment it was broken. I was completely bummed. And now I'm in search of a new one. Particularly one that I don't have to spend $300+ on. Then I could spend my evenings looking at the stars. However, my all time favorite thing is to have a very near and dear friend look at them with me and just talk. Too bad I don't have many friends that share that same obsession with me. One day...
So earlier this week the geniuses of NASA decided that they needed to send a bomb to the moon to blow part of it in order to see if there is water. So when the Earth runs out of water we have somewhere to go. Okay seriously dumb move! I mean did they think about it? The particles could ruin the moon, they could go into orbit and come at Earth, they could throw off the whole solar system. Okay not really, but seriously they're are better ways to do things. Didn't they ever see Armageddon? Drill a hole dang it! They spent millions maybe even billions of dollars to send a bomb. What a waste of money. And another thing, who does NASA think they are? It's the moon, what gave them the right to decide what to do? Hello, this affects the entire world. Did they talk to other countries? My goodness! 
Music basically is my life. haha. I know, people say that all the time. But it's true. I'm always singing or listening to something. I tend to connect music with memories. I think it helps me remember things better. By listening to certain songs I can remember what was happening, what my feelings wore, and sometimes even conversations. I also tend to try and look for the perfect song with the perfect lyrics to fit my life at that moment. It's a habit. I like being able to have a song that describes my life.
I'm writing a book. I say that a lot. Most of my books ideas are pure humor and for people who need entertainment. I don't think people should take them seriously, however they might. Well I've only written a few pages for my other silly books. But this one, will be different. I love NCIS. I don't know who will understand this reference. *Correction* McGee in the show writes a book about his work, but changes the names. I want to do the same thing. What really happens at the Hob Lob. haha. That would be quite the story. Drama Drama Drama. I hate drama. I avoid it at all costs. I don't really need to know every little detail about everyone's life. Some things need to be kept to themselves. I go to work and do my job. Some people lose sight of that. I get frustrated because when I go to work someone always has something bad to say about somebody. So much constant gossip. My heavens just be nice and it will all be perfectly okay. Be happy and be thankful you have a job. Then there is the customers. That is like a whole book in itself. I like people, I really do. I'm very much of a people person. But whoever said the customer is always right...complete bull. They aren't. Why do they insist on getting their way? Then they come huffin and puffin at me like I went and made the rules and regulations. Hello most of you have a job or have common sense you know there are things you can and can not do. Get over it! Just because you're having a bad day doesn't give you the right to come to me and throw your attitude in my face. I'm sorry you had a bad day but take it out it in a different way. Take a run. I'm a nice person. I have lots of patience. I am a happy person who looks for the positive. It's in my nature. I'm trying to help and I'm going to be respectful to you and treat you with kindness. But don't think because I am a cashier that that gives you the right to walk all over me. Because I will not stand for it. It gets me so frustrated sometimes. See this book sounds more and more interesting doesn't it? I really won't follow through with any of my ideas. It's a pure joke. I always come home and tell my dad about my day, he said I need to write a book. I like the idea. It would be pretty funny. Maybe it's just one of those funny jokes, that's only humorous to me. 
You ever feel completely lost in your purpose in life?...story of my life right now. I'm trying to figure out what the Lord wants me to do. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. It always is. I have complete trust in Heavenly Father. I know He knows me better than I know myself and I know if I do His will, it will all be okay and turn out better than I ever could imagine. I'm willingly to do whatever it takes. So what's the problem? Getting the answer. I need like a clear cut answer. I keep praying and getting this is right or this is right, but then I try everything in my power and it fails. It's this constant cycle. Nothing comes easy in my life. I like to pretend, but everything I have ever wanted I have had to fail numerous times before I can succeed. Maybe it's a trial to see if I really want it and I'm willingly to do whatever it takes. Eh, life is hard. (But it's not suppose to be easy, I know that. Otherwise there is no point in living.) I miss...BYU/Utah. Lots. I know if you talk to me often, I usually say that. I'm sure it gets annoying. I can't help it. It's constantly on my mind. Don't get me wrong home is way nice, but it's just not the right place for me (Not that I have any idea what place is right for me right now). I miss my friends, my roommies, the Enclave, beautiful campus, classes (haha who would have thought?! I love going to class and learning!), my amazing ward, always having something to do, and well everything. I miss all of it. I know it's very good to be here. Working is good, figuring out health issues is good. Working on my self is good. There are benefits to being here and I know I just need to be happy and look forward, but sometimes I get down. There is always that little voice in my head saying, "Nope there are other things you need to be doing. BYU makes you happy. Do what makes you happy." Aha those dang voices in my head (that makes me sound mental. haha) I just want to turn them off. Too much thinking. That will not do. I will deal, just like always. I will make the best of this situation and it will come and go. Time moves quickly. Especially now. What seems like forever to me, passes in a glimpse. I always think about Heavenly Father and how our individual life can just be a glimpse in His time. The Lord's time. That I wish I could comprehend better. 
You knew this time was coming. I mean seriously don't think that this is not on my mind. Being Single. Blah. Another annoying subject I tend to discuss way too much. Being single is good, sometimes. Most of the time I don't approve. I came to the point where I was ok with it. I mean I don't think I'm really happy about it. Sure I can work on myself, and sure I can listen to everyone else who says the right guy is around the corner. But come on. Seriously? I can only take so much of pointless talk. It doesn't make me feel any better. Whenever I'm with a friend dating is always brought up. It's unavoidable, people have to discuss the matter. It's in human nature. I hate the topic. haha. I get tired of the mushy stuff. Mainly, because I have nothing to say in return. Boys are overrated. How middle school thing to say, but I have my reasons. The main one being, in the past I have not been treated very well. No details will be shared about these experiences, just trust me. I settle. I'll admit that. I tend to think I deserve less than I really do. It's a problem I'm working on. I think I missed the memo on love. I swear everyone I know is engaged, or getting married. It's that wonderful time in my life, I suppose. In the movies the wedding date there is a quote that says, "Every woman has the exact love life she wants," or something like that. I don't know if I believe that or not. All I know is that I am so over being single. However, I'm also rather tried of dating. It's nice having some company and getting a free meal, but eh most of the time is just isn't worth it. I just can't find a happy medium apparently. Aha well, one day I'll be happily married and look back on these years and see how things just worked out for the best...or maybe I'll just laugh. ha! I'm done raving like a teenager girl now. :) 
This picture could describe lots of things I'm thinking. 1. my endless goals and to do lists. I want to read all of the books on the top classic books in America or whatever those lists are called. I love reading, I never have time. Lately it takes me forever to get through a book. I hate it. However I usually try to multitask read. So I read like 5 books at once. Who knows, how I do that. My list right not consist of mainly spiritual and uplifting books. Always a plus. I also have many other goals I want to accomplish, which are not getting any progress in them. Grr, dang work and other priorities. One day. 2. This picture can describe perfectly my climb towards exultation. Which everyone is working towards. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on myself or maybe not hard enough. I need to be better at lots of things. I always wonder if what I'm doing is enough. You know? I mean I know I can always be better, but it's like a never ending goal. I wonder when judgment day comes, did I do enough? Will I honestly be able to be straightforward and say, I have done everything I could do. It's a scary thought! I don't want to fail, and I can't help but wonder what if I do? 
I have to admit, I love blogging. But even more so, I love reading others blogs. I love seeing into other people's minds and catching a glimpse of their thoughts. I think it is just so fascinating. Some people are so creative and others see things in such a unique way. I bet when people read my blog they are like..aha what a freak. haha. It's like reading someone's story. I love being able to relate to people. Oh that reminded me, not that this has to do with blogging. New York Times started a website/project where they pick random people in NY and capture their life. It's called 1 in 8million. I'm so mad I didn't think of this idea. It would be something I'd think of. I think it's so cool. There is an LDS missionary, and even an ex bank robber. It's kinda neat. Look at it! http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/nyregion/1-in-8-million/index.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1255041238-5rSDHjEuxax0ZwIHrLDAww
That's right Halloween is on my mind. I forget how much I love Halloween. Corn maze (I always get lost for a few hours no matter what. Even if I had a dang map it doesn't help), pumpkin carving (I can't even carve a jack-o-lantern, I just like getting my hands dirty and taking out the guts. haha), haunted houses (Love them!), and parties! So I have never really like dressing up for Halloween because my costume ideas are always so lame. This year, I'm dressing up as a flapper! haha. Lisa is going to be a gansta mobster, and I'm her flapper friend. PAH! Should be fun. We got some sick Halloween parties we're attending. Okay seriously, I feel like I just rambled through all of this post. It's all such random thoughts. If you read this far, man oh man I apologize. I've been writing this post for like a week. That's how much stuff is on my mind. I can't even believe how much is going on up there. This doesn't even graze the top of it! Aha well. You know you love me! xoxo
1 comment:
Haha girlfriend, I love you! But Tony doesn't write books, McGee does. :) <3 NCIS.
<3 you. AMEN to your blog.
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