"There is only one day that you and I have to live and that’s today. There is nothing we can do about yesterday except repent, and there may be no tomorrows. The thing for us to do when we arise from our beds as God gives us a new day is to pray that whatever comes to our hand we will do to the best of our ability."
I don't intend for this post to be depressing, long, or me just rambling. So if it ends up going in that direction, I apologize. =)
I have recently been uber (I think I spell this word differently every time I write it. haha) hard on myself. I mean it happens. Why you ask am I so hard on myself? Well, I'm still looking for a job with no prospects (except finally today. jump up and down...joy! yay!). I've seriously applied to over 50 jobs. 50! I mean dang that's a lot. I have good work experience, my availability is unlimited basically, and it's not like I'm being picky...come on now. Hire me dang it! Also, I'm still adjusting to Provo...directions (curse the grid system), people(making friends), provo life(utah ways...yikes). And, I've had lots weighing on my mind...looking for answers, you know all that good stuff. And well all the stress I put on myself, I cracked. (partially because I keep most of it bottled up. not a good idea)...it happens.
I was reading my scriptures last night amidst my little meltdown and came across a verse (naturally I can't find it now) about crying unto the Lord at night and finding relief in the morning. And maybe the Lord just knew that I needed some hope and comfort. Oh but He sure did pull through for me in more than one way. First off, I really just wanted someone to talk to last night. (not about my problems because I hate burdening anyone)I just wanted someone to talk to about anything really, maybe as a distraction, I don't really know. And as often as my friends and people tell me that if I ever need them I can call or text or whatever...I don't. I hate bothering people. I just kinda want them to maybe realize I need them or get a feeling they should just check up on me. haha silly me.
I'm grateful that the Lord knows exactly what I need though and who I need to hear it from. I ended up talking to a couple of different people last night (oh wonderful friends I have) and let's just say one of them helped me get a better perspective on my life. ( Basically, by telling me how absolutely ridiculous I am being and that I need to enjoy life more. haha) And this is what I came to realize over the course of last night and today....
- I tend to overreact or over-analyze things when I am too hard on myself(most of it which is absolutely ridiculous). Which, naturally not only affects me but the people I interact with. So I apologize to the people who have been impacted.
- I also realized exercise and being outside is a beautiful thing and definitely helps me have the chance to take a deep breath of fresh air.
- Friends are wonderful and I should listen to what they are telling me more often.
- I really need to not dwell so much on my problems and enjoy life because after all our trials are but a moment in the eternal scheme of things.
- Music is so great and really can change your mood..especially dancing like a fool and singing along at the top of your lungs. ;) (and as a side note, songs also have some valuable lessons in them...however I won't go into what a certain Miley Cyrus song taught me. aha just laugh now. haha)
- And most importantly I realized the Lord will never fail us....ever. He always knows exactly what we need, exactly how much we can take, and always, always wants us to have happiness. (Which I always knew this, it's nice to be reminded though)
So this morning, my phone started ringing with a number I didn't know. I have an interview tomorrow! Score, I'm getting somewhere. The funny thing though? I don't remember applying for this company and I'm not really sure what the company even does...haha. Eh well...progress right?!
I also had a hit of reality or a bit of perspective today. My problems aren't as quite as major as they seem. I have a very good friend who has cancer. She's only 18. She has lymphoma, and it's just terrible. She just had a stem cell transplant, and her second home (that is quickly becoming her number 1 home) is the hospital. It breaks my heart to have to see her go through this. She is so strong though. And I give her all the credit in the world for handling things the way she does. So besides her recently getting a transplant her crappy boyfriend is horrible to her. I feel like especially with what she's going through one would tread softly. However, he's a jerk for many reasons that I will not go into details and I kinda want to punch him. Anyways, as bad as this may sound, someone is always going through something that may be a little worse than what you are having to handle.
One of the good things about my recent challenges...I've learned a lot about myself and had some life changing insight I suppose. Something good always comes from something bad. Life, full of ups and downs but it's always going to work out as long as we never give up hope and trust in the Lord.
Back to being happy, positive attitude, living the life me....yay!!
"We face a challenge--no matter how great---because we know that on the other side there is always hope."
xoxo
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